Week 1 of the Philosopher Selfie:
Tues. Jan 28 / On being fuzzled and Life Purpose
Brain a bit slow-moving and fuzzled from a migraine this morning. I find that I walk through the world more gently after a headache. So THIS is what it feels like to be a “delicate flower”…
Walking home after lunchtime conversations about Life Purpose gave me a hankering to connect. I promptly made three telling phone calls: one to my friend, one to my lover, and one to my mother.
Wed. Jan 29 / On hesitation
Some of my most confusing moments are when I can see all the options in front of me but my gut is on holidays in the Bahamas and apparently too drunk on piña coladas to tell me which one to choose. DAMN YOU GUT AND YOUR HOLIDAY-FARING WAYS!!!
Thurs. Jan 30 / On momentum
Self full to bursting with anticipation as I walked home tonight, after 5 hours of focus and activity and accomplishment. When I get this way I want to share my joy SO BADLY. There is a large part of me that is still in kindergarten and living for Show and Tell.
Fri. Jan 31 / On feeling adrift
Felt strangely detached all night. Observing more than interacting. Unsure of my body placement in space. When I feel this way I sometimes wonder if I’m in the wrong place at that moment – like there is somewhere else that I could be, right then, that would feel just right. Generally I end up leaving and defaulting to a bubble bath, and it’s pretty good.
Sat. Feb 1 / On longing
I spent most of today letting vast fringes of my brain be occupied by a feeling of longing. My first inclination while writing this was to look at my day and berate myself for not being “fully present”, that I had somehow wasted my day – but longing IS a valid human emotion. Perhaps, in retrospect, my only fault is to not have enjoyed the unfulfilled longing more.
Sun. Feb 2 / On being hungover
A sleepy day spent mostly in bed, while I tried to avoid reality and the upset feeling in my stomach. Also got hit by the Impending Doom of Monday, which is the moment on Sunday when I realize all the things I need to get done in the coming week and my brain starts hyperventilating.